The Language of the Heart: Silent Devotion

There are various aspects to the relationship we share with Hashem: at times it is compared to that of a child and father, at other times to a servant and master, and in yet another dimension to a husband and wife. Each of these reflects a different facet of our bond with Him.

The difference between the relationship of a son and that of a slave is that a father desires the good of his son and asks him to do things for the son’s own benefit, whereas a slave works solely for the benefit of the master.
We also explained that in the relationship of husband and wife, the wife does not act solely for her husband’s sake nor for her own sake. Rather, her actions are for the sake of the shared whole. Since husband and wife are considered one unit, everything one does is for the benefit of that unity itself—not for either side alone, but for both together as one. Thus, when a wife does something for her husband, she experiences pleasure as if she had done it for herself. This is because their relationship is one of true unity. As Chazal said: “A man’s wife is as his own body,” and as the pasuk states: “Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” and: “Therefore a man shall cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” These teachings show that husband and wife are not two separate entities but one. Therefore, whenever one does for the other, it is felt as though he is really doing for himself.

In the tefillah on Rosh Hashanah, immediately after the sounding of the shofar, we say to Hashem: if we are like children, then have mercy on us as a father has mercy on his sons; and if we are like servants, then our eyes are lifted toward You, awaiting Your verdict.

It seems that the request of the slave is based on the pasuk in Tehillim (123:2): “As the eyes of slaves follow their master’s hand, as the eyes of a maidservant follow the hand of her mistress, so our eyes are toward Hashem, awaiting His favor.”

We need to clarify the difference between these two modes of relating. In the case of the son, we ask that Hashem should have mercy on us, as a father has mercy on his child. By contrast, in the case of the slave, there is no request at all—only the description of looking upward, awaiting the master’s will.

This also raises a question: why is there no mention here of the third form of relationship, that of husband and wife, which we previously discussed?

Let’s begin by explaining the difference between a son and a slave. A son has no hesitation in asking his father for what he wants, because that is the nature of their relationship. From the moment he is born, the son is accustomed to requesting things—he cries for food, and if it is not given to him immediately, he screams. The father, in turn, provides what the child needs, and through this the child learns that whatever he requires, he can ask for and receive. As he grows older, he no longer cries, but he still feels no resistance to asking politely for what he needs.

The slave, on the other hand, knows he cannot request anything. He has no rights, and the master is not concerned with the slave’s benefit but with his own. Therefore, the slave has no standing to ask for his needs. All he can do is look toward his master in silent hope that the master will grant him food or other necessities.
Then there is a third relationship—that of husband and wife. Rav Leib Mintzberg (בן מלך חכמה ומוסר) explains that in this relationship, the wife desires to do her husband’s will and is constantly seeking ways to make him happy. But an important condition defines this bond: it must be carried out without the husband demanding it. The wife wishes to fulfill her husband’s will willingly, and the husband likewise seeks to fulfill his wife’s will without her needing to askIf one side were to demand or request directly, it would disrupt the natural flow of giving—shifting it from a willing desire to fulfill the other’s wishes into a mere obligation or demand. Therefore, the wife is always searching for what will bring joy to her husband, making his desires her goal to fulfill—and the same is true in reverse with the husband toward his wife.

Reb Mintzberg points out that while our tefillot often use terms such as children and slaves, we never find tefillot phrased as requests in the relationship of a spouse. For example, we say Avinu, Malkeinu, Adoneinu, or Avinu Malkeinu, we have sinned before You, but we never use the term “spouse,” because it carries the special connotation of a quiet, unspoken relationship of love.

That is the essence of the Torah Sheba’al Peh, the Oral Law. The mefarshim ask where in the Torah we find the obligation to follow the laws of Chazal, and they answer that it is not explicitly written anywhere. Rather, Chazal understood intuitively that this is what Hashem desires, and we follow because we wish to fulfill His will.
This brings us back to the Rosh Hashanah prayers, when we ask Hashem for mercy as children and declare that our eyes are lifted toward Him like a slave, while intentionally omitting the third relationship. This omission is understood as a profound, silent hint. By mentioning the first two relationships and purposely ignoring the third, we are signaling to Hashem that we are His spouse. Just as in a husband-and-wife relationship no words are needed to convey care, so too here we remain silent, trusting that He will act on our behalf. Moreover, His care should not be for us individually, but for the special unity we share with Him. He should act not for us as separate entities, but for the bond that unites us—Him and us as one.

Another similar idea is found concerning the simanim we eat at the Rosh Hashanah meals. What is the purpose of the simanim? Why can’t we simply ask for what we want without using these items, and why are there different types of food? According to the Gemara, one simply eats the items and does not need to say anything. Also, why are they called simanim—or “hints” in English?

The answer is that everything we do on Rosh Hashanah is meant to hint at our desires, just as we explained before in the relationship of a spouse. We are not asking directly. Just as when a husband comes home, his wife intuitively knows what he needs—whether to eat, relax, or have coffee or a cold drink—so too, with the simanim, we hint rather than request. This is the essence of the relationship: no asking is necessary, because asking diminishes the subtle power of the bond—the ability to sense the other’s needs without words.
The same idea is reflected in the shofar. Chazal say that the sound of the shofar expresses crying, as we learn from the mother of Sisera, who cried. But why do we cry with the shofar? Chazal explain that this crying reminds Hashem of the Akedat Yitzchak, and when He remembers it, He judges us with mercy. Once again, this is all done without words—just through the act of crying.

Let us pray that Hashem will answer our needs and grant us all a good, healthy, and successful year.